Hairy Legs
by shanacus
Summary: After Miley makes a comment about hairy legs, Oliver becomes self conscious about his own hairy legs. The one comment sparks off a series of events. Terrible summary, better story. Moliver! Perhaps some Lackson. HIATUS.
1. Clean Shaven

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hannah Montana…yeesh.**

**Well here it is! My new story! I'm super excited to get started! So here we go XD**

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**Hairy Legs**

Chapter 1: Clean Shaven

_Third Person_

The air had a thick smell of chlorine as Miley Stewart, Oliver Oken, and Lilly Truscott sat on the bleachers of their school's very own indoor pool. Pete Wolfe, one of the school's top swimmers, was shredding down a lap and Miley was cheering enthusiastically.

"GO PETE!"

Oliver and Lilly, however, were sitting there bored out of their minds.

"Remind me why we're here again." Oliver said to Lilly.

"Because Miley looooves Pete." Lilly replied.

"I do not!" Miley snapped.

Lilly gave Miley a look.

"Oh? Then why are we at swimming practice?"

Miley blushed.

"BECAUSE I happen to enjoy the sport."

"Really now? Then do tell, who won the last swim meet?"

Miley froze.

"It's…it's a recent interest."

"Riiight."

"Well I for one, have no idea what you see in Wolfe." Oliver commented.

"I don't like Pete!" Miley exclaimed. "…but if I DID I would have to say it'd be his body." Miley glanced down at the swimmers. "Oh yeah definitely the body."

Oliver sighed.

"COME ON! The dude's gay. Do you know he has no hair on his legs?"

"He's not gay!" Miley shot back. "And you know what some girls find hairy legs GROSS."

Oliver glanced down at his own hairy legs as the whistle blew to end practice.

"They do?" Oliver asked in a different voice.

However Miley was already on the move to converse with Pete. Lilly was trailing behind her.

"ARE YOU ONE OF THEM!?" Oliver yelled down to Miley.

But Oliver's question remained unanswered and ignored as Miley finally reached Pete and began to twirl her brown curls and bat her eyelashes. Bewildered by the prospect of Miley being grossed out by his legs Oliver scurried down to Miley, Lilly, and Pete. Miley and Pete were now in deep conversation and Lilly was standing a little way off at the pool's edge, grinning at him. He did not like that grin. It was a taunting kind of grin. She beckoned him away from Miley and Pete to her. He reluctantly walked towards her.

"Y' know Oliver," Lilly said when he reached her. "All guys on the swim team have to shave their legs. It improves speed."

Oliver glanced around. Lilly was right. All the swimmers had clean shaven legs.

"What's your point?" Oliver asked.

Lilly rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

"My _point _is, Pete's legs are shaven because he's on the swim team. NOT because he's gay. And you're only calling him gay because you're jealous." Lilly finished with a smirk.

'Shh!" Oliver shushed Lilly, as he looked around wildly to see if anyone had heard her. "I am NOT jealous of Wolfe. The guy has no manly traits."

"Oh yeah? Well Mr. No Manly Traits seems to be doing just fine with Ms. Object of Oliver's Affection."

Lilly gestured to Miley and Pete.

"I don't like Miley."Oliver said uneasily.

Lilly opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by a very happy Miley

"Hey guys!"

Oliver jumped and nearly fell in the pool.

"AUGHH!!"

Miley gave a small laugh and pulled Oliver away from the edge.

"Nice Oliver." She said smiling.

Oliver felt his stomach kick.

_What the hell, _he thought.

"So," Miley began. "What are you two doing Friday night?"

"Nothing." Oliver replied. "Why, wanna hang out?"

Miley flashed them both a huge grin.

"I can't! Because I have a date with Pete!"

Oliver's face fell and Lilly just smiled a small smile and shook her head.

"I thought you didn't like Wolfe." Oliver mumbled.

"Ah yeah…about that...er…I lied!"

"Shocker." Lilly said with an eye roll.

Miley clapped.

" I am SO excited!" she exclaimed before skipping away happily.

"HEY!" Oliver exclaimed after her. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?"

But she didn't seem to notice and kept on skipping.

"AWW!" Lilly's voice suddenly boomed in Oliver's ear. "YOU LOVE MILEY!"

Everyone left at the pool turned their attention to Oliver and Lilly.

"Uh…what Lilly meant is that I love mileage…. You know good mileage on cars is always a good selling point for me…heh."

The people seemed to accept Oliver's lame explanation and continued filing out. Oliver turned back to Lilly with an angry glare.

"Mileage is your selling point huh? Mine is color and style! Red convertible baby! Classic, never goes out of style!"

Oliver stared at Lilly with disbelief.

"You have the shortest attention span known to man."

Lilly's face suddenly lit up.

"YOU LOVE MILEY!" she exclaimed once more.

Oliver sighed and shoved his hand over Lilly's overly- large mouth. She struggled as he yanked her to the bleachers.

"Could you stop that?" he asked irritably.

"Um no way. Not until you admit your burning passion for Miley."

"Why do you all of a sudden think I like her?"

"It's not all of a sudden I always knew you did. You're painfully obvious. Anywho, it just felt like the right moment to bring it up. You know with Miley might being all grossed out by your hairy legs and you being jealous of Pete and what not."

"I am not jealous of Pete- and why would I care if Miley likes my legs or not? I don't care. Not one bit. "

"Of course you don't."

"You're insane."

"Oh come on Oliver! It's eating you up inside. Now all you can think about is 'Does Miley find hairy legs gross?' 'Does she find my legs gross?' 'Is that why she likes Pete, because he's hairless?' 'Should I shave my legs too?'-"

"Whoa, whoa whoa. Hold up there blondie. I am not shaving my legs."

"Sure you aren't."

"What? I'm not!"

"Of course you're not."

"Lilly would ya stop?"

"Of course I will."

"Quit it!"

"You know I will."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Of course it doesn't."

"AUGH! That's it I'm outta here."

Oliver made his way to leave and Lilly opened her mouth to speak-

"Not one word."

When Oliver was safely outside his head was spinning with dozens of thoughts. All of them came back to one thing. Oliver glanced down at his legs,

"They're not that hairy."

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**Yay! First chapter done! I already have the next two chapter written (not typed just yet) and then I'm gonna get to work on the 4****th**** chapter. Anyways I PROMISE no Jonas Brothers in this fic. I'm not in the mood to add on to the invasion. Please favorite and review if you enjoyed it! I know the plotline is a little strange (but I'm a little strange…) but please bear with me. If you're curious I got this idea because one of my friend's is completely grossed out by hairy legs and I know a guy on the swim team who has to shave his legs and it kind of morphed together into this idea. **


	2. Hating Lilly Truscott

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana.**

**Ugh I know I suck, I haven't updated in what? 2? 3 weeks? I'm so sorry! But seriously guys thanks for the reviews last chapter! They mean a lot XD Oh and I'd like to apologize for any name mistakes if you see the names Sabrina, Cody, Tess, or Justin appear anywhere it is because I originally wrote this story with the Hannah Montana characters in mind but with different names just in case I couldn't get it on my computer, then I'd still have a story. On with Chapter 2!**

Chapter 2: Hating Lilly Truscott

_Oliver's Point of View_

I hate Lilly Truscott.

Well not REALLY. But I wish I did because then my life would be a hell of a lot easier. But of course she has to be one of my best friends. Why? That is all I ask Lord. Why? Lilly wedged, shoved, and elbowed her way into my life at the young age of four years old. Alright fine, I _may _have asked her to be my girlfriend FIRST but after we 'broke up' I said we should be friends. Just friends. Not best friends, _friends._ But then she wouldn't leave me alone!

"Oliver, watcha doing?"

"Oliver will you play ponies with me?"

"Oliver let's play dress up!"

The girl FORCED me into best friendship, I swear. And the worst part? She grew on me. Damn freak.

And now her current plan to drive me to into insanity was to plant this ridiculous thought in my head that I like Miley Stewart, our other best friend, and as if that wasn't enough she also decided to torture me with the idea that Miley is grossed out by my legs, which, for the record, aren't even that hairy.

Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard?

I don't like Miley like that. No way, no how. We're just friends. And the ONLY reason I was wondering if she was grossed out by hairy legs was out of pure platonic friendship reasons. I mean do you want your best friend to be in constant discomfort at the sight of your legs? No! I would have asked Lilly too but like I said I hate her so she deserves constant discomfort.

Anyway, now because of stupid Lilly I can't stop thinking about two things. Miley and my not-so-hairy legs. Not two thoughts they usually co-exist I know, but this is Lilly's fault and she's insane.

The weird thing is that ever since Lilly said I 'love' Miley I can't stop thinking about her. I mean I know I'm not in love with her. That's ridiculous I'm only a 15 year old boy…err man. And there's no way I, excuse this extremely girl phrase, 'like, like' her. We've been best friends ever since 6th grade. And sure she's funny, smart, and pretty…err..pretty cool and stuff, but I don't 'like like' her. It'd be way too weird. I just LIKE her. As a friend. And that's all I have to say on the subject! Case closed! The end!

Then there's the dumb legs thing. However this one was brought on by Miley and encouraged mercilessly by Lilly. I mean, why didn't anyone tell me girls were freaked out by hair legs? WHY WOULD THEY BE FREAKED!? It's nature. Perfectly normal. Unlike Wolfe. His hairless legs are not natural. Freaky. NOT NORMAL. Why on earth would Miley…err... well ANY GIRL pick him over me…uh I mean hairy legged guys…yeah. I mean, COME ON! That's like buying a hairless cat rather than buying a cute fluffy kitten. Why would you do it? Man look at me. I just compared myself to a fluffy kitten…not so manly…but it's better than a hairless cat…so…MEH!

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"OLIVER!!!"

Yup that was Lilly.

I swear that girl needs to watch her sugar intake. Anyways that's how she greeted me Friday morning in English.

"What do you want with me life?" I groaned.

Lilly frowned.

"Rude much?"

"Very much." I replied simply.

Lilly's expression contorted into a sappy grin.

"Aww is somebody cranky?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Did you not get enough sleep? Too busy with hairy legged nightmares?"

I turned to give her the 'You're an insane moron and I refuse to answer to your antics' look.

"I am not an insane moron!" Lilly pouted.

Yeah that look is well known between us.

"Are too."

Lilly decided to ignore this and rolled back her shoulders in an attempt to look impressive.

Idiot.

"So, Oliverness," Oliverness? FREAK! "What are we going to do about this sich-u-we-ation you're in?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"What situation?"

Lilly sighed and gave me the 'You're so ignorant' look.

"The situation where you like Miley but she's into hairless legged guys like Pete."

I felt myself going red, just like yesterday. Why must I blush every time Lilly suggests I like Miley WHY!?

"Lilly read my lips 'I don't like Miley' and who says she doesn't like hairy legs!?"

Lilly waved her hand impatiently.

"Get out of Da Nile River Oliver. You're not a good swimmer."

"How does my swimming have to do with anything?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"You're an idiot." Lilly said flatly.

"Lilly play nice." A voice suddenly joined our conversation.

We looked up to see Miley standing over us.

I felt my face go a deeper shade of red than before.

Damn complexion.

How long had she been there?

How much had she heard?

Just then the bell rang to start class and Miley hurried to her seat.

During English I felt my eyes wandering toward Miley several times. If she had heard me and Lilly's conversation before she sure didn't show it. She was sitting in her seat casually and her facial featured didn't seem to be twisted in agony. Nah, she hadn't heard a word. But I still kept staring. I couldn't stop. My eyes were like drawn to her. One terrifying time she actually turned around and caught me. She didn't seem to find anything odd about this though. She gave me a friendly smile and then turned her attention back to the board. And then I couldn't stop thinking about how pretty she was! This is all Lilly's fault. She got this idea in my head and now it's sticking.

Do I like Miley?

I don't know. The last time I thought about that was when Miley told me she was Hannah Montana.

I didn't really know then either though.

All I really saw was Hannah, then Miley, and then an awkward conversation I didn't want to make any worse.

But that's just it.

I 'loved' Hannah didn't I?

How is Miley any different?

She's just as pretty,

Just as funny,

Just as nice,

They're the same _person_ for the Pete's sake!

And there goes a little nagging voice in my head that says,

_Why not Oliver?_

Why not little nagging voice?

I'll tell you why not!

Because there was one HUGE difference between liking Hannah and liking Miley.

Hannah is a pop star.

Miley is my best friend.

I could screw up our whole friendship!

…..

Man, I really hate Lilly Truscott.


	3. Not So Accidentally

**Disclaimer: Me no own Hannah Montana.**

**Hey all, once again thanks for the reviews! Well this is the last chapter I have ready-made after this it's not totally mapped out. But I have a basic idea of what I'm doing, don't worry. Anyways, I've been wondering if anyone's caught one of the name puns that I made from one of the characters…it's Pete **_**Wolfe. **_**Haha get it? Wolfe, but he's hairless? Ahahahahaha…okay corny…sorry. Enough of my rambling let Chapter 3 begin!**

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Chapter 3: Not So Accidentally

_Lilly's Point of View_

"I have a date with Pete! I have a date with Pete!" sang Miley strangely off-key.

I covered my ears.

"Stop!" I begged. "My ears are bleeding!"

Miley stopped to throw me a dirty glare.

"Thanks." She said crisply.

I shrugged. Miley recovered shortly after though and was soon skipping down the sidewalk. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of annoyance. This whole Pete thing didn't fall into my plan. I promised myself that this year, THIS year, I would get Miley and Oliver together. It is so blatantly obvious that they like each other but every time I would suggest this to Miley she would blush and deny. Then she became obsessed with Pete. My current mission is to get Oliver to admit he likes Miley but all I'm getting is the blush and deny!

RAWR!

I hate people.

Especially those damn stubborn ones I call my best friends.

"So what should I wear?" Miley called over her shoulder.

"Clothes?" I suggested.

Miley stopped once again and whined

"Lilly! Be serious!"

"I was totally being serious," I said in a mock defensive voice. "I don't want you going on a date in your underwear."

Miley sighed and gave me an exasperated look.

"FINE! How about you wear your plaid black and white skirt, yellow V-neck with your black boots?"

Miley shook her head.

"Nah, no skirt. We're going indoor roller-skating."

Indoor rollers-skating? Hmmm……

"Oh then I dunno…jeans and a tee?" I said as we entered Miley's front yard.

"Too boring."

Miley opened the door and we started up the stairs to her room.

"Come on lets raid my closet!"

"Do I get to keep anything?"

"Lilly!"

"Alright, alright! I'm _coming._"

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

"Are you SURE I look okay?" Miley asked urgently as she fumbled to the door.

She was fidgeting with her jewelry like crazy. Her yellow bracelet thudded to the ground.

"You look great." I told her as I crouched down to pick up the fallen bracelet.

Miley glanced at the mirror while I handed her the bracelet.

"Thanks." Muttered Miley.

She adjusted it tighter and surveyed herself in the mirror once more.

We had chosen a black and white striped shirt with yellow skinny jeans, and I really don't see why Miley was worrying. She pulled it off flawlessly. She must really like Pete…damn.

I rolled my eyes.

"Miley you look GREAT, come on Pete's waiting outside."

"Oh, alright!" she said, and she finally began making her way to the door. "I'll be back at 10:30, can you meet me back here?"

"Si mi amiga, now you go have a good time now ya hear!?"

Miley gave me a small smile before retreating to Pete's car.

"HEY JACKSON!" I called out.

"YEAH!?" his voice answered back from upstairs.

"Wanna give me and Oliver a ride to the indoor skating place!?"

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

"Why do you always assume I don't have any Friday night plans?" Oliver asked me as we rode in Jackson's car to 'Super Skate'.

"Watching soap operas with a tub of ice cream is not a Friday night plan Oliver."

Jackson laughed and Oliver scoffed.

"Anyways, I love how you've been wearing jeans since you found out Miley hatred of hairy-man legs."

Oliver's face flooded with color. Sigh, blush and deny time.

"That was yesterday! Maybe I just wanted to wear jeans today, _and _we don't know if she hates hairy legs!"

I gave him the look.

"Puh-lease Oliver. Give it up. It's simple, if you want her to love you just shave your legs."

Oliver looked repulsed.

"SHAVE MY LEGS!?? SHAVE MY… why don't you just put me in a skirt and call me Olivia!?"

"AMEN TO THAT!" Jackson praised.

I hit Jackson's arm.

"LILLY!" Jackson exclaimed.

"Don't encourage him!"

"Don't hit me while I'm driving!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, whatever. Anyways Oliver, I don't see the big deal. All the guys on the swim have clean-shaven legs and they're obviously male so…"

"No Lilly, just no."

"Fine, but if you don't do something soon Miley just might slip from your grasp."

Just then, the car haulted to a stop in front of 'Super Skate'.

"Alright scram guys I got a date. And Oliver don't listen to Lilly. Girls love their manly hairy legged men."

I turned to give Jackson a pointed look, and then glanced down at his legs.

I wrinkled my nose.

"Um, no. We actually don't." I said, disgusted.

"Maybe _you _don't, but you don't count." Jackson stated.

"Oh, so my opinion doesn't count now?"

"Not to me. Now seriously out. I told Grace I'd be at her house by now."

Um, ouch? That hurt.

But I brushed it off and me and Oliver shuffled out of Jackson's car.

" I don't like Miley." Oliver announced as we approached the entrance.

"You keep telling yourself that."

"I mean it!"Oliver insisted.

We paid the lady at the door, got our skates token, and continued inside while Oliver's mouth of still rambling on.

"So you can wash that ridiculous idea right out of your little…is that Miley with Wolfe!?"

I looked up from my token and saw Miley chatting with Pete as she casually pulled on a skate.

_Perfect._

I tried to look surprised.

"Oh would you look at that! We have accidentally run into Miley and Pete!"

Oliver stood there, glaring at me.

"Lilly…" he said sternly.

I raised my hand up high and waved enthusiastically.

"Miley! Pete! Yoo-hoo!"

Both Miley and Pete looked up. Pete smiled and waved, but Miley's jaw dropped. She was shooting daggers at both me and Oliver while shaking her head furiously, trying to tell us NOT to come over. I pretended to remain oblivious however and grabbed Oliver's arm and began to head over.

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "What a coincidence! Out of all the indoor skating places!"

"Out of all? Wow that's weird, this is the only place _I _know about." Miley said through gritted teeth.

I shrugged.

Man did Miley look pissed. Her eyebrows were lifted up high, her eyes looked ready to bulge out of head, and she was a scary shade of red. I was surprised steam wasn't coming out of her ears.

Oliver, oddly enough, didn't look angry. Just queasy.

And, of course, there was Pete lacing up his skates, perfectly content. Man that guy is clueless.

"So," Pete's energetic voice boomed. "Who's ready to skate?"

"ME!" Miley exclaimed grabbing Pete's arm, trying to pull him away.

"Oh, Oliver? Lilly? Will you be joining us?"

"Course!" I exclaimed linking arms with him and Oliver.

Miley looked ready to explode. I felt bad but it was the only plan I had. She'll be thanking me later when her and Oliver are married on a farm in Tennessee. They'll name their first child after me.

Lil' Lilly Oken.

Daughter of Mrs. Miley Oken and Mr. Oliver Oken.

Who live on a farm in Tennessee with a pig called Jackson Oken.

…okay I'm getting a LITTLE carried away here. They aren't together yet…but whatever! On with Miley and Pete's date!

So anyways, skating that night I discovered a number of things. One is that Pete is a really lousy skater. Don't get me wrong, if you toss that kid in a pool he's like a maniac, shredding down those laps. But put him on skates? Cue the ambulance sirens. He was constantly falling, leaving Miley to try to help him up. But of course Miley's just as bad, so there she goes on the floor too. It was a rather amusing process. Oliver however used Pete's weakness to his advantage and was showing off his own excellent skills. Which leads me to the second thing…. Oliver's really funny when he shows off. He kind of just glides around with his chest puffed out, wearing this look like 'Yeah I know I'm good, but I don't care'. Pshh yeah right. Anyways, the third thing is that 'Super Skate' has a nurse! I never knew that. But when Pete critically injured his knee (Well he fell on it, and it began to swell) Miley took him to the nurse and I was like

"Whoa, Super Skate has a nurse!?"

And so, during Miley and Pete's little trip to the nurse I skated over to Oliver.

"So," I said to him as he glided. "Showing off for Miley, huh?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

At my comment, Oliver stopped abruptly and was thrust across the floor, face down. I stared at him, open-mouthed, feeling my body shake with contained laughter. But before I could burst out into hysterics, Miley magically appeared at my side.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay Oliver!?"

The stationary lump of Oliver groaned.

"I think I'm bleeding."

Then he flipped over and surely enough blood was running down his leg from a huge cut starting belong the knee.

""Oh!" Miley squealed, while her hand flew over her eyes.

"Can you bring him to the nurse Lilly!? I would but the blood…."

Miley's totally freaked out by blood.

"Sure no problem. Come on you walking disaster."

"Shut up." Oliver muttered as I helped him up.

Skaters cleared the way with gags and 'Ews!' as I took Oliver to the nurse. She had him cleaned up in no time and she bandaged his cut within 2 minutes. As we left, I nudged him.

"Did you see the look on her face when she was cleaning up your hairy leg!?" I teased him.

It was true, the nurse seemed repulsed by the hair.

"Hate to break it to you Lilly, but I think it was the big nasty cut on my leg that MIGHT of freaked her out."

"Sureee."

As we re-entered the public area both me and Oliver stopped short.

Miley and Pete were sitting there, lips glued together, and both their hands were clutching the ice pack on Pete's knee.

"Okay Lilly," Oliver said quietly. "Maybe I do like her."

The 4rth thing discovered.

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**And there we go! From now on, we must hope and pray my plot bunny doesn't run away from me!**

**Please review if you liked it guys! And I totally accept constructive criticism because I felt my writing was pretty blunt in this chapter..ugh. **


	4. Of Awkward Car Rides

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana**

**Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews! So this is the new chapter, and I pretty much just hope you enjoy it! Warning: Use of chat speak, but they're text messaging what do you except? If it annoys you like hell though I don't mind altering it back to normal. Oh and in the text bold is Lilly bold underlined is Oliver. Okay done now.**

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Chapter 4: Of Awkward Car Rides

_Third Person_

Tap.

Tap.

Tap, tap, tap.

"Could you stop doing that?" Miley snapped at Lilly, whose hand immediately flew to her chest.

"Sorry." Lilly mumbled.

Miley sighed and looked away pointedly.

Miley was squished between Lilly and Oliver, her two least favorite people at that moment, in the backseat of Jackson's car because shotgun was occupied by a petite redhead by the name of Grace. Although Miley had begged Jackson to let Pete take her home , he had refused.

"Little sister," he had told her. "Where is your environmental spirit? We're trying to save a planet here. If I'm taking Lilly and Oliver home, I'm taking you too."

_Stupid Jackson, _Miley thought.

She knew he really wanted them all there to prevent the awkwardness with Grace, judging by the stony silence in the car, she had a feeling his date hadn't gone so well.

But then again, the stony silence was mostly due to the fact that Miley was simply furious with Lilly and Oliver. She could _not _believe they would barge in on her date like that. What was wrong with them?

"Miley," Lilly's voice came from her left. "I'm sorry okay."

"I'm not talking to you," Miley said looking way once more.

She met Oliver's eyes.

"I'm not talking to you either."

She tried to look forward but a disgusting moldy hero was sitting on Jackson's dashboard, rotting away. With no other options, she looked up.

"Look Miley," Lilly started again. "You can't blame Oliver. He didn't even know that we were crashing your date. I just told him we were going roller skating."

"Fine." Miley said, turning to Oliver, thoroughly relieved.

Her neck was starting to hurt.

"So Oliver, did you have fun skating?" she asked.

_No, _Oliver thought.

"Yeah." He said.

"What was your favorite part?" Miley continued.

_I don't know, maybe when I realized that you were there with Wolfe?_

_Oh no, I think it was when I cut open my knee. That sure was the highlight of my night._

_But wait! No! I lied, the best part was when I came back from the nurse, brutally injured, and I see you making out with mother freakin' Wolfe! _

But Oliver couldn't say any of these things, so all that came out was

"Neeemphhh!"

Miley cocked one eyebrow.

"What?"

Oliver opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He couldn't think if anything to say.

"Oliver???"

Miley was staring at him like he was the oddest sight she had ever seen, but then suddenly, a look of realization washed over her.

"I know what this is! This if from you stuffing your face with nachos! Man, Oliver when are you going to learn not to push it?"

Miley patted Oliver on the shoulder and gave him a 'It's okay buddy I'm here' look.

"Uh-" Oliver stuttered. "Y-yeah…stupid me…heh…"

"Miley, I'm really sorry!" Lilly bursted. "It was wrong for me to sabotage your date like that, okay? I suck."

Miley turned to Lilly.

"Yeah, you do. And excuse you, but I believe I was talking to my one and _only _best friend Oliver."

Lilly rolled her eyes.

"Oh don't be such a drama queen. Look I promise, I'll never do it again okay? I was just looking out for you."

"Looking out for me? What are you talking about?"

Oliver looked over at Lilly and raised his eyebrows,

_What _is _she talking about?_, Oliver thought.

"Weeelll…. We don't know Pete very well! And I just wanted to make sure he was a decent guy." Lilly gripped Miley's shoulder and nodded. "And I approve." She added sappily.

Miley rolled her eyes.

"You're such a freak." She said, but she threw her arms around Lilly anyway in a side hug.

Lilly cracked a grin.

"So, am I still sleeping over?"

"Duh."

**-x-**

Because Grace lived so out of the way, they were all still in the car 10 minutes later when a horrible thought dawned on Oliver.

A minute later, Lilly's phone vibrated.

**From: Oliver**

**To: Lilly**

**LILLY! u cant tell Miley anything. and i mean ANYTHING. **

Lilly casually glanced at Miley, who was examining her nails, before texting back.

**I wasnt plannin on it. Not 2nite anyways. **

**Wat do u mean not 2nite anyways?! Not ever!**

**y not????????**

**its called awkwardness, wit a capital awkward**

Lilly sighed and began to type

**but what if i-**

Lilly's phone vibrated suddenly, only to see another message from Oliver.

**no**

**wtf! thats freaky, I didnt even send it 2 u yet! **

**u can never never never never never never tell her lilly. ever.**

**fine, I wont. calm urself. But its ur funeral. **

**ur word thru text isn't good enough. pinky swear. **

**r u serious?**

**YES!**

Lilly rolled her eyes and looked up.

Oliver pretended to yawn and outstretched his arm (pinky first!) behind Miley, towards Lilly.

Lilly lifted up her pinky, and Oliver stretched further.

_Almost there…., _he thought.

"Oliver, what on earth are you doing?"

Oliver froze, his arm pretty much draped around Miley's shoulder, while Miley looked from his hand to him with raised eyebrows.

"Uh…" Oliver racked his brains. "You have dandruff!" he dusted off the imaginary dandruff off Miley's shoulder. "Aha, there you go. Pesky dandruff-"

Miley grabbed Oliver's arm and flung it around in front her.

"Weird guy best friend whose arm was just around me say what?!"

"Uhhhh."

"I do not have dandruff!" Miley exclaimed, insulted.

Oliver sat there helpless, sending Lilly urgent looks of need.

"Ummm…." _Think Oliver, think! _"Yes you do!"

The look on Miley's face was positively frightening.

_Smooth Oliver, real smooth_, Oliver thought.

"And would you look at that, Oliver? I'm not talking to you again."

And with that Miley spun around to stare outside Lilly's window.

Oliver mentally slapped himself in the face before leaning his head against the cold car window.

And when Oliver got home, he had a new text message.

**From: Lilly**

**To: Oliver**

**Nice job u idiot. Now u have two points against you. U have hairy legs and u said she had dandruff. U r comin over 2morow we need to work on this. **

"Great." Oliver mumbled to himself.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Um, yeah. Sorry if the chapter seemed extremely filler-ish. It's really a set up chapter…yeah. You'll see. If you liked it, please review!**


	5. Not The Sharpest Tools In The Shed

**Disclaimer: Still not owning.**

**Okay, I AM SO SORRY!!!! Seriously, I've had no time to just sit down and write a chapter though. No lie, my teachers have swamped me with projects and I also was on vacation 3 weeks ago and then I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with this chapter and UGH! Enough of my excuses! Go read ;]**

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Chapter 5: Not The Sharpest Tools In The Shed

_Oliver's Point of View_

Not once have I ever knocked on Miley's door. Never. Someone is always home, lounging around in the living room or in the kitchen, so I never really need too. But now what? Miley's mad at me, damnit! I can't just waltz right in there acting all casual and what not. She'll give me that look! The one that says 'Um, Oliver Oken I hate you'. WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST LOVE!?

Right…door…I kind of need to open it.

Lift the hand…put it down again…lift the hand…put it down again…lift the hand…ugh this is getting repetitive. Maybe I should just run for it? That's an idea! That's a good idea! I like that idea- and then Lilly opens the door.

"What are you standing out there for!?" she demands.

"Uh…"

And then I'm physically abused into the house.

"Where's Miley?" I ask.

"Taking a shower. A very _long _shower actually. Because some idiot told her she had dandruff and now she's using Head & Shoulders like a maniac."

"Who told her that?"

Lilly gave me a look.

"Oh right- I did."

"Yeah, ya did! And you're the reason why instead of looking bright and perky, I look like a zombie!"

"Bright and perky?"

Lilly grabbed my shirt and lifted me up slightly….small girl…lots of power…

"Look at these bags under my eyes! Do these look bright and perky to you!?"

"No…"

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, before she released my poor self. "Miley woke me up at 3 a.m. so we could drive to CVS and pick up some Head & Shoulders. I hate you."

"Man Lilly, remind me to always make sure you get your eight hours of sleep."

"That's all I ask." Lilly replied dramatically before sitting down on the couch.

Lilly flipped on the T.V and we fell silent. After a couple of minutes I finally said

"Lilly what am I _doing _here."

"You're apologizing and telling Miley you were lying. Once she gets out of her HOUR LONG SHOWER!" Lilly yelled the last part, in hope that Miley would hear it.

"Lying? What am I supposed to say? _'Sorry Miley, I lied to you. My arm was around you because I was trying to do a pinky swear with Lilly so she wouldn't tell you I like you' _"

Lilly shrugged.

"Doesn't sound bad to me."

"Lilly! You know I can't say that! Give me a real excuse!"

"Ugh, fine."

Lilly tapped her chin thoughtfully…..

"Well I guess you can say that you were trying to get a fly off her shoulder."

"But why wouldn't I just tell her that?"

"Because you didn't want her to freak out, duh."

Hmmm…not a bad idea for Lilly right?

"Alright fine, sounds good. I'll just tell Miley that."

"Tell me what? That I have a unibrow or something?"

I gulped and turned around. There was Miley, fully dressed in her daily attire, with sopping wet hair dripping down her back.

How does she always do that? Like, just appear?

I opened my mouth to respond, but Lilly caught me off.

"Oliver is here to apologize for being an idiot yesterday."

Miley placed her hands on her hips and cocked her head.

"I'm listening." She said.

"And I'm leaving." Lilly put in before scurrying upstairs.

Damn her.

I approached Miley cautiously, while scratching the back of my head sheepishly.

"Look Miley, I'm sorry I said you had dandruff yesterday. You really don't, I was just trying to flick a fly off of you…."

"And you didn't tell me because….?"

I shrugged.

"I didn't want you to freak out." I lied.

Miley's face softened.

"So I really don't have dandruff?" she asked.

"You really don't."

Miley then ran her fingers through her hair.

"Thank God."

I smiled at Miley, and she just rolled her eyes and then ruffled my hair affectionately.

I like it when she does that....

"In the future Oliver, just tell me if there's a bug on me."

"Alright." I agreed.

Well good thing _that _was cleared up.

But now what?

We stood in awkward silence for a full 10 seconds before Miley said,

"So guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm going out to dinner tonight with Pete, as his _girlfriend." _

"Oh," I croaked. "You're together now?"

Miley nodded excitedly.

Great, so it's official.

I guess they sealed the deal when they locked lips.

Typical.

"I can't wait!"

"For what?" Lilly piped in as she swiftly walked into the room, from upstairs.

"You know, my date with Pete."

"Oh, _that."_ Lilly said.

Oh that?

Lilly knew about this?

I glared at her when Miley wasn't looking but she simply winked.

"Well I better blow dry this mess." Miley said, motioning to her hair.

"Alright Miles, good luck on your date tonight! Me and Oliver are just gonna go to the beach!"

"We are?"

Lilly smacked my arm.

"Um- we are!"

Miley looked at us funny.

"Uh alright, bye."

Lilly took my hand and dragged me out the door.

"Go home, pick out your nicest suit and meet me outside 'The Polka Dot' at 7:15. And please do something about your unsightly legs. We're crashing their date."

**-x-**

I had no idea what I was doing.

It was like my life was a horror movie.

A razor was suspended over my leg, begging to strike.

And my hand was trembling, as if I wasn't sure if I wanted to commit this crime.

Blood would be spilled that night,

One mind would never be the same again.

Or maybe this situation is better suited for a comedy.

'Idiot Boy Tries To Shave His Legs: Hilarity Ensues'

Seriously it didn't look too hard on those razor commercials.

All the girls look freakishly happy as they shave their legs to perfection.

All smiling, as water streams in down their legs.

I thought THAT'S how it was going to be.

I started near the bottom, slowly, and began making my way up in a stroke.

And BAM! Success! The hair was gone, and the skin was smooth.

I think my head got a little bit big there.

I was thinking

'Wow! This is really easy!'

I carried on a little bit too eagerly for the next stroke.

And that's when disaster struck.

I cut a bit _too _hard, and all of a sudden a rush of blood started streaming down my leg.

And it BURNED.

"AHH!!!STOP!!!!"

I splashed water onto my leg but all it did was stream down some more shaving cream into the wound.

"AHHH!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!"

Why wouldn't the blood STOP!?

I jumped out of the tub, grabbed a wet wash cloth, and pressed as hard as I possibly could.

Slowly it began to feel better and I put a ginormous band-aid on it.

"Never again." I vowed, looking down at my partially shaved leg in shame.

All of a sudden there was a pounding on the door.

"OLIVER!!!" It was my Mom. "ARE YOU OKAY!? I HEARD SCREAMING!"

I dove to the ground and grabbed my pants.

I forced my legs through, while yelling.

"YEAH MOM! I'M FINE!"

Why on earth did I decide to do this?

Because Lilly told me it would make Miley like me.

Because _Miley _is dating Wolfe.

Because he's all _hairless. _

What a joke!

He's gay with a capital….GAY!

I hate my life.

"Oliver?" my Mom said knocking on the door.

"I'm fine!" I said, while opening the door revealing my apparently un-injured self.

My Mom's eyes went up and down my body suspiciously.

"Honey, your pants are on backwards."

I looked down and sure enough the two butt pockets were sitting on my thighs.

"Uh…"

"Oliver, what were you doing?"

What the hell was I supposed to say!?

I decided to go for the dramatic effect.

"JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!" I wailed before running to my room.

I was going to _kill _Lilly.

**-x-**

"You're late." snapped a very impatient Lilly from outside 'The Polka Dot'.

"And you're annoying." I told her.

Lilly raised her eyebrow and rested her hands on her very dressed up hips.

Actually all of her was very dressed up.

She was wearing a pretty green dress with matching heels and the whole effect was quite nice.

Until she stood next to me in my navy blue suit that clashed horribly.

Man, I need to stop spending so much time with Miley and Lilly.

"It's 7: 40!" Lilly exclaimed shoving her watch in my face. "Their date is in 20 minutes and we still have to get a table!"

"Why didn't you reserve a table?!"

Lilly flushed.

She hadn't thought of that.

"Wow isn't someone not the sharpest tool in the shed." I said, patting Lilly's head.

"Shut up!" Lilly growled. "Let's just reserve one now."

And so we did.

The waiter was a bit snooty but after flashing some Hannah Montana backstage passes for her daughter she flashed us a phony smile and said

"Right this way!"

"So why were you so late?" Lilly questioned.

"Um I uh…"

Lilly's eyes brightened and she gave me a sickening smile.

"You shaved your legs didn't you!?"

"No..no I didn't!" I hiccupped.

Lilly beamed.

"YOU DID! Let me see!" she exclaimed tugging at my pants.

"No!" Hiccup. "Lilly, really!"

Lilly grabbed hold of my pant leg and yanked up.

"Come on, come on lemme-" Lilly caught sight of my partially shaven leg and looked up at me in shock.

"Part of it? You only shaved part of it!?"

"I got a cut!"

"You donut! How could you only shave part of it!?"

We were starting to gather attention now.

"Lilly shut up, let's just sit down!"

Lilly finally obliged and we began glancing around for Miley and…_Wolfe._

"Where are they? It's already 8:10!" Lilly exclaimed.

I shrugged and helped myself to some of the bread.

Man it was good. And moist.

So I stuffed more in my mouth.

And more.

And more.

"Oliver!" Lilly said while smacking my arm so hard my bread flew out of my mouth, hitting the waitress. "They're here! Well there" Lilly said pointing a couple of tables down. "But here!"

"Great. Now what's the plan?"

"Plan? I don't have a plan! I didn't even think we'd get this far!"

What!?

"What!?"

"Excuse me," A waitress with clearly dyed red hair, heavy blue eye shadow, and pursed red lips said. "Does this belong to you?" she dropped a soggy piece of bread in front of me.

She was the waitress I hit with the bread.

"Uh yeah…but I don't want it. You can keep it." I offered.

She glared at me.

"Here at 'The Polka Dot' we don't condone such childish behavior like spitting bread-"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Well I'll have you know that if I see one more antic-"

"Hey lady!" Lilly said. "Can you move us closer to those two lovebirds over there?!" Lilly gestured to Miley and Pete who were now feeding each other bread.

Disgusting.

"I sure can," the lady said her voice dripping with false sweetness. "If it's alright with them, of course."

Lilly looked confused for a moment but then she nodded her head. Shiftily, she looked around and then said

"Well…" Lilly peered at her name tag. "Betty,"

The waitress looked down at her name tag and said in a confused voice

"My name's Susan."

"Betty," Lilly continued. "It's alright with Abraham Lincoln if you catch my drift." Lilly said while slipping the waitress a five dollar bill.

She winked.

Well I think it was supposed to be a wink.

It was somewhere between that and a twitch.

The waitress nodded.

"Oh… I see." She said copying Lilly's wink-twitch.

Lilly smiled triumphantly before the waitress shouted.

"Security! I got a couple of bribing teenagers here!" she roared.

Me and Lilly looked at each other, bewildered.

"Betty!" I begged. "Don't do this!"

"Oliver let's go!" Lilly exclaimed.

"Lilly! Oliver! Is that you!?"

It was Miley!

"NO!" I yelled in a deep voice.

And with that me and Lilly bolted toward the door.

We didn't stop running until we reached the corner.

"Now what are we gonna tell Miley!?" I asked in a rasping voice.

Lilly panted and shook her head.

"We'll figure something out."

I stared at Lilly incredulously.

I was starting to lose faith in her not- so- thought- out plans.

But really, who could blame me?

* * *

**Alright not a lot of Moliver here but I loved playing up Oliver and Lilly's friendship. It's so unfair that it's been snatched away from us and replaced with that trash they call 'Loliver'. –sigh-. Anyway sorry for the delay and thanks so much to ****Cosmotastic**** on the Moliver boards for her awesome ideas to keep this story going! And reviews ;D ?**


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